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  • Writer's pictureJoseph Ola

When No One Is Watching…. (TOILET MINISTRY, Part 1)


When No One Is Watching….





THE TOILET MINISTRY (I)…

Let’s start it all with a riddle. A riddle with an obvious answer. Take me for a country. Every “normal” human being comes into that country at least once in three days. As a matter of fact, some even come to that country as frequently as everyday. And one unique thing about this country is that once you enter the country, you automatically become the president of the country. Everything you do in the country can not be challenged by anybody. And what’s more? You can choose to even stay in this country for as long as you want! You are—simply put—in charge! So which country do I represent? Yeah! You got it. I am “The Federal Republic of Toilet!”

“Toilet” in the context of this write-up will therefore be taken to mean “that place where no one else goes with you to”…”that place where (as it were) no one sees you”…”where nobody is there, except you…alone.”

So what does the phrase “toilet ministry” mean? That will depend on what you think ministry really means. From my own extensively simplified dictionary, ministry simply means “what you do!” I guess that sounds too simple. Right? That’s why I called it an extensively simplified dictionary. In any case, it can therefore be inferred that the phrase “toilet ministry” means…what you do…when nobody is there!

I have come to understand that the struggles every Christian youth carry in their hearts are majorly about things they did when nobody was there. The reason why many people suffer from different addictions is simply because the things they did when nobody was there had overcome their innocence…taking over it completely, and placing a heavy load of guilt in their tender loving heart!

That’s the power of the toilet at work. The power of secrecy. Let me share this little joke with you. There was this man on a flight who tried to use the men’s toilet in the airplane but discovered it was always occupied. In a bid to help matters, one of the attendants told the man that he could use the ladies’ toilet in as much as he would not press any of the buttons on the wall of the ladies toilet. The man agreed to the deal and entered into the ladies’ toilet… He did what he needed to do and as he sat there, he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters; there were four—labelled WW, WA, PP and a red one labelled ATR. “Who would know if I touched them?”—he thought to himself. He couldn’t resist. So he pushed the WW button. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bom-bom from beneath. Waoh! What a nice feeling! He thought to himself. Men’s toilets don’t have all these nice things??? Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bom-bom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies’ toilet was more than just a restroom; it is a place of tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, the man couldn’t wait to push the ATR button which he knew would bring him the supreme ecstasy. But alas! The next thing he knew was that he was in a hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. Then he saw a nurse starring down at him with a smirk on her face…“What happened?” He asked. “You pressed too many buttons” the nurse said. The last button marked ATR was an automatic tampon remover. You can imagine what the ATR will do to a man who wasn’t wearing any tampon in the first instance. The ATR will just assume that a tampon was where it was meant to be and as expected of it, it will do all he can to “remove” the “tampon” which for a man, will be equivalent to what part of his body? Fill in the gap.

What do you think gave this man the unnecessary “castration” he gave himself? The enticement of the deceit of the “toilet ministry”. This man simply thought to himself—who would know if he pressed any buttons? And that’s just the same foolishness that has gotten many people entrapped in addictions they were never meant to be in…

…Who will know if I smartly asked my friend the answer to question 2 during the mock test? Who will know if I was the one who actually took the money? Who will know if I went into the toilet to masturbate? Who will know if I’m facebooking in church while the Pastor is preaching? Who will know if I went to the party with the guys? Who will know if I visited a pornographic site while browsing on my phone? Who will know if I was the source of the backbiting? Who will know if I slept with my boyfriend in town? Who will know what we did together in Roots Hotel? Who will know that I didn’t have my bath this morning? Who will know if I wear clothes I can’t wear at home in school? Who will know….???

But how I wish we could see the foolishness in those assumptions together? Listen to this foolish woman—“She sits in front of her house and on the highest hills in the town. She shouts to everyone who passes by, “If you are stupid, come on inside!” And to every fool she says, “Stolen water tastes best, and the food you eat in secret tastes best of all.” (Proverbs 9:14-17 CEV). Jokes apart, isn’t it a fool that will say that stolen waters tastes best? Or how can the food you eat in secret with the fear of being caught be the food that tastes delicious the most? Obviously, something is wrong with such a person that believes that. But unfortunately, that’s our status each time we choose to think the “who-will-know-thoughts”. We suddenly suffer from short sightedness.

But have you ever thought about what could make Joseph keep his own integrity even when none of the men of the house was there within? (Gen 39:2b) Obviously, he saw something we’ve not been seeing each time we give in. he said “shall I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” That tells me that he was aware of one thing though—GOD SEES IT ALL! See how Eugene Peterson puts it in The Message Bible— Can anyone hide out in a corner where I can’t see him?”…”Am I not present everywhere, whether seen or unseen?”…Jeremiah 23:24 MSG.

Maybe David had better words for that. He said: Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight? If I climb to the sky, you’re there! If I go underground, you’re there! If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, You’d find me in a minute– you’re already there waiting! Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I’m immersed in the light!” It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you. Psalms 139:7-12 MSG

So when next you want to “enter into those places you go alone”, do well to remind yourself that even if all eyes are off what we do, some eyes can’t just stop seeing what we do. The eyes of the Master. He’s already waiting for you there.

In the next edition of this write up, I will enlighten us more on the “foolishness” in the idea of a toilet ministry. And I will show you a king in the scripture that “died because of the power of the privacy of the toilet”. Watch out.

Much love to you all…

OLA Joseph Kolawole…………………….(The Sunday Message on Jan 17, 2010)

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Emmanuel Oluwatomisin Afolayantrue talk. We need grace and will to live a life of complete holiness



Yinka AkintundeAlways knew u had it in you 2 be a good writer from the time u used 2 write short stories in sec. school.This is well thought of and “extensively simplified”. Bravo!



Kindel OgunoikiFrank talk. sin strife in secrecy. good job friend. more grace.



Akinwole Ifeoluwalogaju-iyanuasele GraceAh! Ìdodo ọ̀rọ̀ lèyí jẹ́. May d Lord place u wia He want u 2 be.But,remember Psalm37:5,u are LIGHT 2ds generation



Akinwole Ifeoluwalogaju-iyanuasele GraceAh! Ìdodo ọ̀rọ̀ lèyí jẹ́. May d Lord place u wia He want u 2 be.But,remember Psalm37:5,u are LIGHT 2ds generation



Oladele Ifeoluwa Olayode‎…Good pastor Kola, happy preparations for missions. cheers



Adebisi OludeGod bless u mighty Pastor!!!!





Sandi CarpenterThank you for the reminder that God sees us even when we think we are alone! Awesome words!



Iyanuoluwa Oderindetanx a bunch for da inspirationz…



Akosile TorotiTanx so mch bro.dis is smtin we al nid 2 knw & acknwldge.tanx again.gleamd a lot 4rm dis msg.mis ya



Ola Joseph Kolawoletoroti…i really miss u too…tot i was going to see u wen i came to lag last wk. Anyway, hw are u doin?



Taiwo Joseph OrilogbonPastor kola & d comical titles… I gues dat’s what we need, they are easier to remeber than those theological… jargons we normally preach. God bless u big.



Ola Joseph Kolawole‎@ Pastor T’logbon: (smiling)…thanx. We’re only following Ur footsteps…abi?



Ola Joseph Kolawole Thanx to U all…d “PART 2” of this note should be published on my profile within d next 30hrs. U may like to check it out. Thanx… …4 being partners in progress…!



Ayodeji Kehindemay the Good Lord bless u all



Ajani OmoladeThank God for knowing you daddy. Thank you for all this rhemas. I pray to have more of it.



Akindoyin Successhow come im just seeing a wonderful write up like dis…tnks 4 tagging me…God bless u sir…more grace & more insight.



Ola Joseph Kolawole Amen, Luvly Sister. I actually jst changed d title and re-published it. I’ll still tag U in some older ones too…lol Hope U’re having godly fun?:D



Akindoyin Successok dts gud,i wil b expecting dem.tnks…yes o…my exams r near now so its aving fun wt books now o



Ola Joseph Kolawole ‎@ Success: like I always tell U. sweetheart, it’s in U! Look at Ur name and see WHO U are—-SUCCESS! Keep having d fun wt d books:)



Aseroma Sparkle DaisyU re a rare gem in dis generation.may God continually use u.



Tolulope IsaacU r a blesing 2 our generation…more grease 2 ur elbow…i wil apreciate it if u can tag me sir…tanx



Ola Joseph KolawoleAmen! Thanx sir.



Adedeji Oluwasegun GideonPastor k i must not deceive u dis message realy touched me and i promise 2 make amendment. More power 2 ur elbow, also d’ont stop praying 4 me and d’ont 4get 2 tag me on next part. SHALOM

30 April at 16:23 via Mobile · Unlike · 1



Ola Joseph KolawoleOkay, Dear. Thank God!

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